Blend with an immersion blender in a wide mouth mason jar all ingredients, except herbs for approximately one minute. Start with the immersion blender at the bottom of your jar working your way up to the top. Don't start moving your blender upwards until you see it thickening up.
Incorporate the herbs during the last 15 seconds or it will turn your ranch green. Store in the fridge for up to one week.
A large handful of fresh herbs of your choice can be used in place of dried parsley. Our favorites are cilantro, parsley and dill.
If your ranch is too thin:
Make sure you are using full fat canned coconut milk. If you want a dip like consistency use only the solid cream, but for a dressing, use the cream and the liquid. It may also thicken up just being in the fridge for a few hours.
Make sure you're using an immersion blender for guaranteed success.
Use a small container, like a mason jar or salad dressing container.
HERE IS THE TRICK TO SAVING YOUR DUMP RANCH... If your ranch never thickens it probably didn't emulsify properly. Just add another egg! Yep, that's all it takes to quickly save all those ingredients.